HOPE. I have it. And then I lose it. I have spent a lot of time searching for it in all kinds of places, only to have it elude me. Oh, there are times when I catch it and hold it so tight I feel I may break it. That is what fighters do. When … More HOPE…

5 Years Sober!

As of September 7, 2015, I have 5 years of continuous sobriety from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes! I never would have thought I would have made it this far when it all began. Some say you should never forget the early days of sobriety. I say “How could you?!” The counting of the minutes that … More 5 Years Sober!

Soul Crushed

Oh my god, am I going through it. I have been crying and feeling despair all morning. I am trying all I know to get myself through it, but I am really down deep in this shit. And I can’t talk to anyone about it at this point. Well, I could, but their words of … More Soul Crushed


So what does it mean to be a survivor? To push through moments, hours, and days of battle with your inner demons? To hold on tighter when all you want to do is let go and give up the fight? To find that inner strength when you thought you were completely empty inside? How about … More Survivor?

Take It Back

It’s been awhile hasn’t it? I am still plugging along in my daily reprieve from anxiety and addiction. I am coming up on an anniversary soon, but I try not to think of that too much. One day at a time. (Never gets old does it?) 😉 I have been actually dealing with some cravings … More Take It Back

Double Edged Sword

Talking with my therapist today was a little reassuring and daunting at the same time. She basically told me that although she could hep with my trauma induced anxiety, she could not do much for my generalized anxiety. She said she didn’t want me to go through therapy and become hopeless because all my anxiety … More Double Edged Sword

Here goes nothing

About to go into the doctor to discuss med changes. Anyone who has been through this knows it’s a 50/50 shot. I have learned over the past 23 years of doctors to never tell them everything. They will assume every day is good if you make it sound like things are getting better over emphatically. … More Here goes nothing